this title is yet to be determined

Here I go again, trying to type in a title for a post I'm barely beginning to formulate.

I don't work that way. I should know this by now. Really. I should.

It's one of those things, that my brain starts somewhere in the middle, or the end, and works backwards or outwards or whatever, filling in the puzzle gaps along the way. All those writing assignments in school where we had to turn in a title and outline and synopsis like weeks before the actual writing thingy was due - well, that sucked for me, because I never had a title until I was done. More often, after the reprimands & bad grades for "not completing work on time", I just made shit up. Whatever, it worked to appease the teacher who wanted a title & outline on her desk by a certain day. I figured out it didn't really matter if I changed it later after the real stuff was written.

That's how I do things. It's how I roll, baby.

That has very little to do with what I want to write about, though.

Today is the day the world holds a collective breath to see who is going to be head stormtrooper, puppet, poombah of these United States. Lots o' hype leading up to this circus, we're all tired of it.

I voted for Obama/Biden. Do I need to explain? No. I don't need to. I'll spare the stuff that you don't need to know about me or care about anyway and just say that I want to be able to look forward, not backward. I believe every person on this earth has a right to love and be loved, no matter their skin color or sexuality. I believe that women deserve far better in so many situations and am thankful a man like Joe Biden has stood up for those rights. I believe the man that Barack Obama is shines through in the way he treats his wife and family over the rest of the political dancing. The things like taxes and the war and the 'promises' do not matter as much to me as the ability to keep calm, make decisions based on how they will affect his own family as well as others instead of the quick-temper reaction that does more harm than good, a quick-temper reaction that I know all too well in my family.

I'm ready for the hope to move forward and make changes.

Personally.

Not just as a nation.

Personally.

So I bought (at least I think I did, it takes '24 hours to process') a domain name. But it's not the name we wanted, because the one we wanted is already taken by someone else. grumble. We're creating ideas & developing these lil' guys and their stories and having fun, and we want to share this with others.

But I know enough basic html to make a mess, and I'm good at picking and gleaning from other codes to figure a few things out, now I'm freaking out over the "How the hell do other people do this web building stuff?". Because I'm hard-headed (no kidding, really?) and I want to figure it out and do it on my own. Because I figure I'm capable and should know how to do this, so why don't I?

I also jumped on the NaNoWriMo bandwagon again this year after not doing it last year (something about driving back & forth from Florida & no regular internet connection & job hunting being a priority at the time, but whatever. excuses, excuses). I have maybe 600 words towards that 80k total by the end of November, and I'm using it as a chance to push myself and develop a few things.

One is the bunnyflies stories with Rob. One is the command of customer service stuff with Amber. One is an article on the boot camps that daddy & Papa Earl do for the museum. One is a piece of fiction that has been rolling around for awhile.

The best advice for NaNoWriMo is to just write - clean it up and edit later, like in December. So what if I'm using four different things to gain that word count, I'm trying to make it happen and learn about myself as a writer along the way.

There will always be some level of crazy going on. Election or not. Economy or not. Seasonal or not. Relationship or not. But I still have words to put to paper, I still have things I jump into the middle of and feel my way out of. And I'm looking forward to the day I can show off my stuff and be proud of it, because I learned something along the way to making it happen.

and this here is a pretty lil' piece o' land, just right for the pickin'

For this one night I have no pressing deadline. I do have bills, but I can't pay those till I get paid later this week so they don't matter tonight. I could do laundry or cleaning or any of the other tens of things on my mental list of "things I think I oughtta be doing", but you know what? I'm not.

Tonight I've attempted to watch Grey's, but that's not happening for various reasons. So instead I had it on Ace of Cakes, I cut out words & pictures in old magazines, I put away some clothes that have been sitting here since sometime a week ago when I laid them out to air dry. I am choosing to continue to ignore the hundreds of emails in my inbox because I still can't bring myself to care what might be in there. I'm using a can of Pringles and a jar of sand as my foot rests. (shrugs) It works.

I'm actually proud of myself for having enough money in my bank account to buy a new battery for my car (proud too that it lasted from October of 2001 till now) but the only reason I had enough in there was I was saving it to pay for my car registration renewal this week anyway. C'est la vie.

I'm back from Jacksonville and missing being in Rob's arms. A long weekend of holding hands and kissing and snuggling and now back in separate worlds. And it sucks worse than screaming children scratching their nails on chalkboard during a fire drill. Or something equivalent to being numb & depressed & angry & annoyed & tired all at the same time.

We drove to Tallahassee for his aunt Susan's service. I met more family there. She was a passionate & spirited lady who was a delight to get to visit with when we went through several times. Cancer took her body, but it didn't take her spirit. I love how supportive and caring and creative and supportive his family is. My own family has it's own way of being supportive, but theirs is a lot calmer and loving through all the generations. Mine, well, sometimes I feel as if I don't live up to what everyone expects of me, and that can be tiring in itself.

We took complete advantage of sleeping late, curling into each other and reading "Peter and the Starcatchers" to each other all weekend. Dinner with friends one night, dinner with his parents another, dinner watching the sunset on the Intercoastal another. Being able to say exactly what was on my mind, usually to hear him say the exact same thing. We connected and it felt so good. The hard part was getting on the plane to fly back, alone. Damnit.

Yes, the papers on my desk at work have been multiplying like over-caffeinated rabbits and has me a bit stressed in the hours I have to be at work and doing job-related things like answering calls and writing newsletters. Then there is the explosion that is the remnants of me moving furniture and art supplies around my room, as well as the leftovers of Airsho which I pretty much just dropped wherever there was an empty square inch. Soo, umm, yeah. There is plenty for me to do to keep busy for the next two months when I can see him again.

This whole financial 'crisis' that seems to be a scary big-deal for the rest of the country does not seem to affect us here in the oil fields of West Texas. We are a remote bubble in so many ways. I work for a non-profit with no benefits, so whatever was left of my 401k I cashed out in January, well, I have no idea if there is anything left at all now, and I wonder if I shouldn't have just cashed in the whole thing and done a few things my way at the time. That's what I get for not listening to myself.

Things will change here eventually, they always do. I keep up best I can at work, I try to keep up the article writing, too. And yet, I still have the itch to be working on something I want to be working on, to be making something, to be doing something for myself.

It's not easy. At all. But some nights the hardest part is when I actually prefer to cry myself to sleep rather than open a tube of paint or glue. And that's not right. Because I do actually remember a part of myself that would rather paint or carve or sand things till the wee hours of the morning rather than sleep. Something got switched and I don't know when.

There are things in this world that still give me hope. I look forward to finding them again. In the meantime I'll stumble along and ask for whatever guidance the universe is willing to send my way.

I have these thoughts, you see... I know they can be something, but I'm not sure what just yet.

Memorial Day - catching up

Rob was in town for the weekend, doing some job hunting and hanging out with me, which I enjoyed very much! He took the MPD tests and did well, now it's paperwork and wait & see. He helped out with the Memorial Day services at the American Airpower Heritage Museum, participating in the 21 Gun Salute. There was a great shot by Cindeka Nealy in the Odessa American newspaper of the Salute, with Rob in the front. I love the way he looks in uniform anyway, but I was so proud of him!

The Flag Folding Ceremony was beautiful, the cadets were so crisp and did a great job.


The Veterans in the crowd stood during the Sun Country Gentlemen singing of the songs from each military branch. Watching their faces, seeing the pride for what they've served for, seeing the dignity and respect they demand and deserve for serving this country.


My grandparents sat there, on the front row. It was a great chance for me to take their picture, too!

Weekend over, everyone back to routines and work. I'm not much in the mood to write much, so I figured the pics would help. It's tough now that Rob is back in Florida again, I miss him, I don't feel like writing much, except to him! The texts are flying again!

two weeks later than before

I'm going to try to catch up a bit here, it's been a bit crazy for me these past two weeks, and I realize that if I don't at least attempt to catch up now, it'll probably never happen.

Let's see, after many goodbye kisses and leaving a handful of notes for Rob in the apartment, I left Jacksonville at 9am on Wed, March 26th.


I made decent time across Florida, Alabama, Mississippi, and Louisiana into Texas - down to Galveston to stay with my parents on the beach - altogether a 15 hour drive, about 848 miles. I was tired, but it was sooo nice to see my parents after nearly three months.

I went to lunch with Momma on Thursday, we wandered the square for a little bit, getting ideas and looking at all the pretties. Then I went to a job interview for a marketing position with a rally - I was impressed, I liked the position and was very inspired by even having an interview! He offered me the position, if we could move to Galveston, and let me tell you, after nearly five months of job hunting, that felt nice!


Since Daddy was in town for the TAM meetings, I tagged along to the museum tours that night with them. Texas Seaport Museum - where they handed us bags of popcorn and cups of Shiner! That alone made it nice to be back in Texas! -



Then to the Ocean Star Offshore Drilling Museum - seeing the difference in drilling out there in the gulf compared to the drilling out here in the dirt.

Last stop was the Lone Star Flight Museum, after the bus driver took us over the bridge into Houston and back again, you know, the scenic route... A band played, a good number of planes in the hangar, a chocolate fountain with marshmallows (see what sticks in my mind, huh!)

Back to the hotel, sleep and back on the road Friday morning - heading up through San Antonio traffic into Fredericksburg to interview for a couple of massage therapy interviews - both went well, both would be great jobs too - and finally on to stay with Amber & Bobbi in Menard for a couple of nights.

Now, for me, this is a perfect escape. Usually.

I don't have any cell phone signal down there, none at all, which is usually nice and perfect for hanging out and chilling with Amber & Bobbi, and playing with the boys. But I'm quite fond of Rob, and missing him lots, and am putting my texting and phone minutes to good use with him, so limited communication for a couple of days is kinda tough.

So we girls hung out, catching up on everything, and we spent Saturday in Brady shopping.


We wandered a little antiques store where I found a heart-shaped cookie cutter, where we giggled at the animal print purses and the camouflage print bedsheets, where we ogled all the pretty shiny things that caught our eyes.


Then to the store to find things to throw on the grill for dinner that night, things like corn on the cob, mushrooms, bell peppers, sausage, steak, chicken, - oh, almost everything except the roadkill possum, thank goodness! ;) We decided to cut the corn into half-inch slices, but as Bobbi and four different knives can attest, it's not easy! But it's very good when grilled!



Amber made grapefruit margaritas, consumed while making dinner, while watching Austyn playing outside, while giggling and telling stories.





Dinner was wonderful, we chatted into the night, ummm, nearly 3am, right? We discussed life and work, past loves and past regrets, hopes and dreams, wedding dresses and hairstyles, all sorts of things that I'm glad Rob wasn't there for! The hanging out with my two best friends was the best part.

Headed out on Sunday, back to Odessa, back to cell phone coverage.

Let's see - since then I've had several interviews, and have several more lined up in the next week, here in Odessa. We're trying to find Rob work out here, to encourage his moving out here. I'm hoping, but am well aware of his commitment to the Army Guard in Florida, and am dealing. But for this Texas girl, it's nice to be home. I'm feeling better, but still taking medicine in hopes of getting over this mess soon. I've finished my taxes (finally!) and am now focusing on finding a job that will work best for me while here.

Gina and I are going to be looking at Papaw's old building on Andrews Hwy later this week, if by some miracle things work out financially, Lawrence can use the office for his business and we can use the rest for an art gallery and art workspace. At least having the space here to work I can pick up where I left off on the carvings and paintings, especially since there's not a whole lot on tv worth watching!

Allrighty, it's late, and I'm tired. Next post I'll try to have some art stuff up.

travelling...

I'll be heading back to Texas tomorrow - stopping in Houston to see family and job interview, then on across the state for more interviews and to stay with Amber & Bobbi (and grapefruit margaritas, so I hear... which I'm looking forward to!) Then on to Odessa, and a few more job interviews lined up in the Midland-Odessa area.

This means about a week of travel, this means I've got to load my car with a few things, this means that for now Rob will not be traveling with me - and that sucks.

So - to those I'll be seeing soon - see you soon! And to everyone else - can I catch you on the next trip? 'Cause if Rob is gonna be in Florida, I'm gonna have to find one of these great jobs so I can go back and forth and see him more often!

whirlwind weekend

YUM!



Oh, you should try this!





Our friend Steve had told us of this little place down in St. Augustine, this little place that has Chocolate covered Key Lime Pie on a steek (We heavily reference Jose Jalapeño when saying this... and if you have no idea what I'm talking about and want a laugh, click here.)

It was a lovely day Saturday, windy, but sunshiny, and after a lot of rain here recently, I was enjoying it. We went and wandered some of St. George Square, along with hundreds of others out savoring the day. Lots of bikes on the roads, lots of shorts and sandals, lots of people wandering about.

Some post-it art found on random signs along the streets:



Which is cool to me, I love random art in random places. But these post-its were all over the Square, not just near the local Art Society building or the art galleries in the tourist square streets.

Since St. Augustine is historical to the point that the whole place is a museum, and it's right there on the ocean and inter coastal, there area a lot of influences in the local artist's work shown here. Lots of blues. Lots of glass.


We took full advantage of the lack of plans for the afternoon and stopped at this little pizza & beer place with a nice little courtyard.

Shade, beers, and just the two of us chilling out discussing the "what we might do someday" thoughts that rolled past.


More meandering, wandering shops with clothes or books or jewelry or art or chimes or whatever goods were being sold. We tried to grab dinner at a cafe on A1A, but they were closed for a wedding, so we stopped at a sea side diner place and had more! beer (and a piña coloda), chips, and peel & eat shrimp. Sort of an appetizer, because we then came back to town and grabbed burgers for dinner.

All in all a great, random, art-filled, meandering, relaxing day.

Today we ventured out to the beach for a walk, again beaucoup of folks out and about. We kicked off our sandals and walked awhile, turns out long enough to get us both a little sunburned. Eh, it happens. I kept singing made up songs about the shells and the beach. We watched wind surfers and little kids and puppies and seagulls, while splashing in the water.

Now we're hanging out, watching the Pirates trilogy, and drinking rum. Seemed like a good day to do so, after being at the beach and having sand between our toes...